Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder
Letter to My Son's New Teacher
Dear Teacher,
This year you will have my son, Daniel, in your class. We have high hopes that this will be a ‘break out’ year for him. There are a few things I’d like for you to know about Danny’s background so that he can have the best possible year in your class.
Danny was diagnosed with ADHD in the first grade. It was devastating to us when he was diagnosed but at the same time, deep in our hearts we knew that Danny was different.
One of the hallmark misunderstandings about ADHD is that ADHD kids are not trying. You may tell Danny to do something and you will be annoyed that he doesn’t seem to be listening, then you will be annoyed because he takes a long time getting started, then you will be frustrated because he keeps stopping to do something he’s not supposed to be doing, and finally, you will be angry because he did not finish.
What is important is that you understand that he IS trying. In fact, he’s probably trying harder than everybody else.
When Danny walks into your room, he is immediately challenged by an onslaught of sensory attacks. Everywhere that his clothing is touching his skin feels like sandpaper rubbing him. Every window and light in the room is like somebody is shining a bright spotlight in his face. Every voice, no matter how far away, is yelling for his attention. Everything that moves, from a paper being rustled to a bird flying by the window is like a baseball rushing at his head that must be noticed and immediately dealt with. Danny has to try twice as hard to get half the result and even his best effort won’t look anything like the best effort of other children. Imagine trying to do your job while always juggling three, scalding hot balls. That is how everyday is for our son.
Danny is a good boy and has many great qualities that I hope you will see. He is a very smart, sweet, caring boy who really wants to help others. He often tries too hard and other kids see that as being pushy. He doesn’t have any friends so we’re really hoping that you can help him build some connections with other boys. Summers are long and lonely for him, with only his video games to keep him company. Every year he goes friendless, is another year that his social skills grow farther apart from his peers.
Like many ADHD kids, Danny has a lot of problems with executive functioning. In a nutshell, that means he has great difficulty planning ahead, organizing his work, making good use of time, breaking down tasks into workable sections and anticipating consequences. Without help in this area, Danny feels overwhelmed and doesn’t know where to begin. Often when he receives poor grades, it can be traced back to lack of executive function support.
Danny has an Individualized Education Program (IEP) that requires he get extra time on assignments, a small group environment for testing, peer note support, organizational support, chunking for large assignments, daily check in, and extra text books at home. We expect that you, his teacher, will follow his IEP, AT ALL TIMES! Please understand that we carry on our backs the baggage of many teachers before you who have not followed his IEP consistently. Some teachers have not even bothered to read it. Taking away Danny’s accommodations is like taking away a student’s eye-glasses. He will not be able to be successful without them.
In some ways, Danny is very much like other boys. He misbehaves and test limits just like they do. It can be very hard to see where ADHD ends and bad behavior begins. That sets you, his teacher, and us, his parents up for conflicts. We want very much to work with you, not against you, to make Danny successful. We want our concerns and our feedback to be heard and valued. We know that he can try your patience just like he tries ours. But you must know, that when there’s a problem, our first questions will be about what YOU did to help him. Are you following his IEP? Are you looking for creative ways to motivate him? Does he feel a personal connection with you? Are you looking for opportunities to increase his confidence by setting him up for success?
So many teachers before you have marginalized our son while rewarding others repeatedly for their accomplishments. Danny has never been the ‘student of the month’. He’s never been in the spelling or geography bee. He’s never made a sport team that he’s tried out for or been picked for the school play. He’s never had his work displayed in the school foyer. We’re hoping that you are as wonderful a teacher as we have heard and that you will help him find some success at last. We’re hoping that this will be the year that Danny breaks out of his pattern of failure and finally realizes, with your help, that he CAN DO IT!
--Danny's Mom